Losing the star without a sky
Losing the reasons why
You’re losing the calling that you’ve been faking
And i’m not kidding
It’s damned if you don’t and it’s damned if you do
Be true ‘cause they’ll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
Oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove
By hidy hidy hiding you’re not worth a thing
Sew your fortunes on a string
And hold them up to light
Blue smoke will take
A very violent flight
And you will be changed
And everything
And you will be in a very sad sad zoo.
I once was lost but now i’m found was blind
But now I see you
How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming
Metal heart you’re not hiding
Metal heart you’re not worth a thing
Metal heart you’re not hiding
Metal heart you’re not worth a thing
That I’m too old to try and impress people with my life. And updating facebook/twitter/text on a regular basis is what you do if you feel a need to connect with someone…like you aren’t connecting at home. It’s an alternate life. It is not tangible.
I am done pretending like I’m having this awesome life. Because I do have an awesome life. And I want to be living it. Not trying to virtually live it.
PS. I have leash burn on the back of my knees. Super ouchie.
-sara
They said I gots to sign a contract and I said, “No, no, no.”
Well, LA is a sure thing. Feel a little strange about it actually. Hate feeling like it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
I definitely appreciate a lot of things right now.
For one, a small town girl mentality that makes me want to do things off the books and by trust in each other’s word. The big city girl who is world savvy and knows that nothing is free.
I hate owing people money. And today I found out that if I go record I have to sign an agreement with my producer. Which is understandable. But nonetheless unexpected.
My manager and I talked over it this morning and from what she could gather it’s a flat rate charge and then a small percentage of record sales. From what I understand, it is not unreasonable. When you look at it, it comes out to be paying him a little less than 10 bucks an hour to record me. So I can’t complain about that.
I guess my fight is with adulthood. And being responsible to remember to give someone money for record sales means keeping track of every single record that is sold. I’m going to have to be a pretty sharp business woman here.
I’m trying and I think this is what I want to do. I’m keeping the ball in my court as much as possible, but this recording deal is a big favor. As soon as it’s done, it’s my game.
I will not be a sell-out. And the moment I feel owned, the moment I feel like what I have isn’t even mine. I’m done. I don’t love it that much to be dragged away from my family for peanuts and paper checks.
So. To be honest, I am excited. I just have to get through the red tape right now. I just have to take care of all the little legal things before I head off to Hollywood in two weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. But I guess I have to.
